Yesterday I attended a small gathering of people which allowed me to observe and test some of the practices I teach in coaching.
1. Attention changes interactions to connections. Eye contact is most effective when not only your eyes, but your attention is focused on the other person. Attention is likely the most scarce resource in modern human interaction. Talking to another while thinking about yourself or something else, blocks your ability to connect. Placing all your attention on the other person allows you to see the next questions to ask, where they may be resistant, and gives them a subconscious feeling of being seen.
In last nights event, the deepest connections where made by focused attention and those conversations flowed without awkward pauses.
2. Authenticity can include challenge. When seeking true connection with another being authentic is key, but so is challenge. We all enjoy agreeable people, but those who never introduce an different viewpoint or disagreement are more difficult to connect with because they do not demonstrate individuality or how they are unique. When you speak with people be yourself, but also do not be afraid to challenge them.
3. Ask questions. Observing those who talked about themselves mostly with those who asked frequent questions, especially follow up questions - the conversations liberally sprinkled with questions definitely allowed the participants to learn more about each other and deeper discovery. Also, throughout the conversations with questions the participants exhibited more open body language.
To learn more about how you can optimize your ability to connect with others to make your life and their life better, join me in a coaching session. To learn more click here.
Words to Live By
I am not a heroine, but I have chosen the person I want to be.