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Sometimes we don’t feel the way we want to feel or the way we think we should feel. Maybe we are in a place we don’t like, we don’t feel movement in our life, or things aren’t turning out the way we want. We all want to be happy and feel aliveness. The path to that place is not fighting or resisting your feelings in this moment.
Yet, how do I get rid of a feeling I don’t like? I say to you, you do not need to get rid of the feeling. If you feel, for example, guilty sometimes, simply acknowledge there is part of you that feels this way. The best way to change is to not push against what you don’t want.
But to be accepting of who you are at the moment
It is you. It is right to say to yourself, “I just don’t feel good. I feel bad right now. I feel guilty right now. I feel a mixture of emotions. I feel love, but I also feel dislike and I feel dis-ease and I feel discomfort with my own emotions, AND I can accept myself for the moment.”
This is not to say you must stay in a situation, but you can accept that you don’t feel good at the moment. And, you choose to love yourself anyway.
When we push away our negative feelings or chastise ourselves for them it creates a sense of self flagellation. We engage in self talk or actions which say: I am not worthy, everything I do is wrong.
But, that is not really a good way to approach life because actually by accepting this part of you where it is now, it can come into cooperation with you to make the changes in your life you want.
It is like with any other person, if you want to make change together, you cannot just keep beating them up. You cannot say to them “You should know better. You’re so stupid. You never learn. I just don’t like you.” If you treat another person like that, you would very much be aware that they are not going to like you and they are not going to cooperate with you.
That makes logical sense when we frame it in relation to others. However, what happens is that we do this to ourselves. If we feel a kind of guilt, disappointment, or shame, we may very often self flagellate ourselves through variety of means. Here goes again the negative self talk or doing something on the outside to sabotage or punish ourselves. We treat ourselves like this and expect happiness and cooperation which isn’t possible when we are beating ourselves up.
So, pause. Whatever method you use to self flagellate, be aware that you are doing it. This awareness combined with the accepting of yourself described earlier, puts you in a place where your ego will slowly loosen its grip on you because it will no longer be under attack.
Making peace within, in this way, will allow you to feel a little bit more free to shift and change. The changes will not happen overnight, but little by little as you accept and love yourself in whatever feeling you’re in, one little bit at a time you will see changes in your behavior and life.
P.S. Begin a dynamic relationship with your own life by acceptance and cooperation within you.
Welcome to April!
The theme of awakening keeps coming to me in my own life, spring, friends, and clients. I am going to devote April to this.
Before we begin, I want you to know you don’t need to do anything nor to you lack anything. Think of a seed. It is perfect - it is not better or worse than the plant. The plant is not better or worse than its flower. The fruit is not better or worse than the flower.
In whatever stage you are in, you are perfect, just like a seed. And, like a seed with attention, water, food, and sunlight you naturally grow or evolve.
So, awakening is going to follow that paradigm. You are perfect now as you were yesterday and will be tomorrow. How you decide or don’t decide to grow or evolve is based on how much water, attention, sun, and nourishment you have.
So let’s dig in. The first practice I offer is as you awaken each morning and do not look at your phone first. Instead, take a moment to focus on your heart space. Focus your attention on the physical place where your heart is. Then ask yourself: what do you need today? How can I be of the greatest service to myself and others today?
Throughout the month I will ask you to focus on your heart because it is where you give and receive love to others and yourself. The heart will tell you the truth from the perspective of love. Love, however, is not always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes love is angry or boundary pushing or self protective or found in other forms. I ask as we begin, you accept what your heart is telling you without judgement. There is no pressure for action, that will come when you are ready. But, releasing self judgement is essential.
Words to Live By
I am not a heroine, but I have chosen the person I want to be.